Burnout and Boundaries: Choosing Myself Without Apology

Let’s talk about burnout.

As a serial people-pleaser, this is an emotion I know all too well. Burning the candle at both ends, saying yes too often, being the go-to person, it all piles on. My mental load grows until my head feels too heavy for my shoulders. It’s just too much sometimes.

And honestly? As the years go by, I’ve started to resent that part of myself. Can’t I put myself first for once? I’ve spent so long treating others the way I wanted to be treated because that’s the first piece of advice I got from my elders. And where did it get me? You can be kind, you can give and give, but bending over backwards doesn’t mean anyone else will do the same for you.

Here’s what I’m learning:
Showing up as the best version of yourself is a kindness to others but it starts with being kind to you. If you’re constantly running on empty and quietly resenting the people you’re trying to please... what’s the point?

Especially for women, and especially women of color, we’re taught to be agreeable. Easy to work with. Not too loud. Not too much. Never a “bitch.”
But the truth? Having boundaries makes people uncomfortable. And if that makes me a bitch, then fine. So be it.

I’d rather live a full life watering my own cup instead of leaving myself with the last drop. At the end of the day, I know I have people who love me. But when I’m alone in those quiet, heavy moments, I am the one who has to self-soothe. I want to be someone I can count on. I want to pour more into her.

If you’re reading this and you feel that familiar heaviness, if you’ve been pouring into everyone else and forgetting yourself, I want you to know you’re not alone. Start small. Say no once. Rest without apologizing. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb just because you need quiet.

You don’t have to earn your rest. You don’t have to be everything for everyone to be worthy.

You’re allowed to choose you. Again and again.